When we found out that we were expecting our first baby, we didnt have a clue what we were in for. For those of you who don't know us, and even for those of you who do and dont know this, Malachi was not planned. Not even close to planned. Like most newlyweds, we had this master plan for what our life was going to look like. We had been married for 10.5 months. We both had just been promoted in our jobs. We had an amazing apartment, our savings account had finally started to look like a savings account and we were ready for the next year of our lives to look remarkably similar to the one that came before it. We had planned to start trying for a baby the following year, making us married for almost three years when said baby would be born. Great plan, right? Fast forward about a month from this on top of our world moment, and a little pink stick changed everything for us. Life as we knew it was about to change.
Parenthood changes you. And not because your life is now overrun with diapers, bottles, toys and middle of the night cuddles. It changes who you are as a person. Your whole identity changes. So instead of writing a "what to expect when you're expecting" blog post that are so famous these days, we wanted to write a little piece of reality for all your parents out there. In our own words, what parenthood has meant to us. What we have learned, what we are still learning and all the things that make parenthood such a beautiful and wonderful life. So here it is. Our hearts on the matter. Parenthood through the eyes of Destiny and Nic.
Nic: Becoming a parent has honestly seemed like one lesson after another. From day one, having never dealt with babies in any way other than waving from a distance, my primary goal was keeping our son alive haha. It changes your perspective in a huge way when you are responsible for the life of another human being. Not only that but also being responsible for helping him develop socially and spiritually. It's a huge task and one that I know I couldn't do without the help of my wife (honestly she's easily the 85% of my kid's success thus far.)
Of all the things I have learned so far, I have to say the greatest lesson has been the love of a father. I had always known my parents had loved me, but I couldn't understand the way your heart can burn for their success and wellbeing, to the point that you know you would do anything if it meant they would be better off. One night in particular I will never forget when Malachi was about 4 or 5 months old and I was holding him and singing him to sleep and also using that as a time of prayer and worship for us both; I was praying over Malachi and reflecting on how much I loved him. In that moment I heard God telling me that He loved me even more than that, even more than I could imagine. I had always known God loved me, but knowing that God;s love for me was even greater than what I felt towards my son and even more than I could imagine so much greater. It was a great revelation to me and I look forward to learning to love more and more. Parenting, and marriage for that matter, is a great about forcing you to love in ways I know I would probably not do voluntarily. You sacrifice a lot: your sleep, your free time, flexibility in your schedule to do what you want, a fair amount of money, and more. From all of that, you have the opportunity to grow in patience and selflessness and every aspect of love. I have learned a great deal so far and have much more still ahead of me, and I look forward to every moment of it.
Destiny: Im going to be completely honest with you right now...
When we found out we were expecting, everyone had their own brilliant words of wisdom to throw my way. Things about the love you will feel and the joy that those moments bring and all the new things you will learn so quickly. I took all their advice with a painfully pregnant smile on my face and thought that I had a grasp on what parenthood would be like. My goodness was I wrong. When I saw Malachi for the first time, it was this surreal feeling of love and fear all mixed together with just the right amount of hormones (and a lot a bit of morphine) to create the perfect storm of emotions that I just couldn't quite figure out. It wasn't this overwhelming feeling of heart exploding love that all the old ladies had told me about. It wasn't this angelic anthem playing in the background as they placed this bundle of joy next to my face, as I was promised it would be. It was scary. And after three days of labor and an emergency c-section, the tears were just as much relief as they were joy.
A rough bout of post partum depression, a hard recovery that I honestly still dont feel completely normal from, and a lot of lessons later, we have a happy, healthy, beautiful 17 month old little boy. Getting here wasnt easy. There have been times when life felt like it would never balance out. There were times when I just sat down and cried because I didnt think I could possibly do another thing or take another step. But amongst all the trials and the learning, there has been so much joy. So, so much joy.
As I look at my son now, and I think about what parenthood has meant to me, I can't narrow it down to just one thing that I have learned. But I can give you my top few for sure. The biggest thing? We will never have a plan that sticks ever again. No roadtrip. No single day. Nothing will ever be exactly as planned. Which for anyone who knows me knows that I have a hard time not having a plan. But the beauty of this new season is that I have learned something very valuable. Life is messy when you have kids, and for that I will always be grateful. Everything you do is an adventure and everything is so brand new to their little eyes. And the more that I slow down and I begin to see life through my son's eyes, the more I realize just how beautiful this world is. Parenthood has taught me that every single day we live is so valuable. No tomorrow is guaranteed. I am grateful for every single moment with my Malachi. Every giggle is forever etched into my mind. Every new discovery or Evil Doctor Porkchop voice that is demanded over and over again as we play Toy Story for the 100th time that day is hidden away into the deepest part of my heart. Because these moments are going to disappear all too fast and I can promise you that when they are gone, I will want every single one of them back. I have learned to let the small stuff go and choose my battles. Not everything is worth correcting so that when the big stuff does happen those corrections matter. I have learned that corrections and discipline are necessary no matter how hard it is to implement. Your kids will be better off for it. I have learned that when you have kids, your relationship with your husband becomes something so different and new. It makes your realize just how selfish you actually are. Life isnt ours anymore. Its all about this little person who very much has needs and wants and makes them known very loudly and very persistently. But amongst all those changes, that relationship becomes so beautifully strong and you learn the new together and find a balance in it. Thats the beautiful part about life. There is always grace to handle whatever is in front of you. Even when it feels like there isnt enough, its there. Just keep reaching for it. It will never leave you empty.
See the thing that no one tells you about parenthood is that its hard. There is nothing easy about it. You are tired and worn and sometimes feel like you have nothing left to give to this little person who is constantly needing more from you. But what they also don't tell you about is the feeling you get when your baby looks at you and actually recognizes who you are for the first time. Or the feeling that you get when you say "Okay bubba come on its time to go," and he walks over to you and grabs your hand and guides you to the door. Just because he knows he is safe as long as he is holding your hand. Or the pride you will feel when your little boy smiles that innocent little smile at the older gentleman who is all alone at Walmart, waves hi to him and reaches for his hand just so he can be close to someone he doesnt even know but I believe with my whole heart that Jesus whispered to that sweet little spirit that that old man needed someone to show him love that day. Little did he know that the littlest person in the store would give his heart the biggest joy he has felt in a long time. See God has a way of giving you a perfect balance in the chaos. And someday, when we look back on this season, we will want those middle of the night cuddles and those ouchies that need kisses all back again. If parenthood has taught me anything its that the love you feel for that child will know no ends. There will never be anything that little boy does that could make me love him any less. Because I have a father in heaven that loves me so much more than I love Malachi, and its because of that love that I can love my sweet boy the way that I do. Parenthood is so much more than a season of life. Its joy, fear, chaos, calm, pride, sadness, happiness, anger, guilt, beauty, and so much love all rolled into one neat package. Its the greatest gift I could have ever been given. And it is one that I will never take for granted.
And thats parenthood through our eyes. The real story of the Morris family and everything that we are going through in this beautiful season of our lives. We are real people. Just like you.
So to all you parents out there that are figuring out this crazy journey of parenthood too, know that you arent alone. And the things that you are feeling aren't wrong. Theres a pretty good chance that you arent the only out there that is feeling that way. There are two parents and a beautiful little boy with two front teeth with a gap in the middle in southwestern Pennsylvania that are going through it too. Just remember to love every single moment. You ARE doing a great job, and to that little person you are their entire world. Embrace every tear and giggle and watch Toy Story as many times as he wants to. Because this season is short, but the memories of these moments will last you a lifetime. We promise.
